I’ve been cheating on you.

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I started another blog. See, I kept writing all of these posts on Figs&Wigs and then feeling like I need to apologize for them, because I know you ladies don’t really give a rip about the Jonas Brothers or my workout regimen. My new blog is called The Beholder, and it’s basically where I write about anything that pops into my blonde little head. American Idol, getting in shape, pretty pictures that I took, life as a romance writer’s daughter, etc. Hope to see you over there! I’ve got a pretty hefty little following now, so you’ll be in good company.

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I have a theory about food: mini-versions never fail to impress EVERYONE. It’s like you went back to the 80s and stole that machine in Honey I Shrunk the Kids. People always think you took a ton of time and effort, lovingly hand-crafting each little bite-sized morsel into a mouthful of bliss.
Teeny tiny goat cheese polenta pizza!

Teeny tiny goat cheese polenta pizza!

And what’s more, it’s only got four easy-to-find ingreeds!

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I’ve never seen anything like this. It’s SOOO much better with sound because the song is amazing, but it’s still mind-blowing without. If I had the set-up, I’d totes spend a Sunday making a video like this. Oooo, I have shivers!

The artist is Oren Lavie.

I’m changing the word “awesome” to “aubsome” because the chief supplier of awesomeness in my life is Ms. Aubrey Atlas. God, I love her. Behold! Cocktail napkins:

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Annnd…from a slightly different angle (I need to not take so many pictures):

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Apparently something I did made the colors all saturated. So in real-life, the napkins are actually very soft-looking and gorge. But you get the aubsome idea.

Junior year of college, there was a period of about three months where I ate Safeway’s Enlightenment brand Potato Leek soup every single day. In highsight, that’s disgusting. The soups come in these little cardboard cups full of salty powder, and all you had to do was add boiling water and wait five minutes. It got to the point where I was eating so much of this stuff that I ended up getting in touch with Safeway’s corporate headquarters and had a case of Potato Leek soups shipped to me. The only reason I stopped eating them was because my one-cup water heater from 1982 crapped out from overuse.

So you can imagine how I felt when I saw this post on The Kitchn. I never imagined I could make REAL potato leek soup! And that it would be easy!

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So, okay. The recipe on The Kitchn….just didn’t do it for me. Maybe I’ve had my potato leek palate destroyed by instant powdered soup, but when I first tasted the soup after following their instructions, I was…okay, I’ll say it…I was appalled. So watery! So bland!

Luckily I had a few tricks up my sleeve, and I ended up making something totes delish and, if I do say so myself, far better than the Safeway shizz I used to eat.

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Dave just showed me this. Hilar. Sorry I haven’t posted anything recently; I got super busy with work and whatnot. So read this article and I’ll get my little bootie in gear. Maybe I’ll make soup or something tomorrow and actually have something original to post!

So…which category do you think Dave falls into? He says “Prepster at a function;” I say “Wacky, fun guy” mixed with a little “Throwin’ a hand sign.”

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The only one she left off was the “Picture of me when I was four” shot. Whenever someone has a picture of themselves as a little kid, I assume that they grew up to be awkward-looking.

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And yes, I am aware that my profile picture is of me when I was four, and no I don’t think I’m awkward-looking….except when I’m doing shake-face.

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february-2009-004I’ve really been hyping my first use of the KitchenAid stand mixer you ladies got me. And let me tell you: our initial run together was an earth-shattering success.

My friends, I present to you Smitten Kitchen’s Car Bomb Cupcakes. I was so excited that I took an annoyingly large number of pictures, so you’ll have to bear with me.

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Isn’t her expression priceless?! What a teeny tiny cute thing! It’s okay, Heidi, I understand. I’m too good to eat fish, too.

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Click here to read more about the teensy baby seal who doesn’t like fish.

…So I can have moments like this (at the Westminster Dog Show):

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That’s a happy relationship right there.

FIRST he refuses to do an Arrested Development movie, and now this? Somebody needs to put Michael Cera in his place. I think he’s funny, but the awkward androgynous character he always plays is going to get old someday. And then he’ll be begging to star in a movie version of the show that gave him a career in the first place. (Do you guys think this is a joke maybe?) Actually, I just did some internet stalking and I think it’s definitely a joke to promote his new movie.

Here’s a video of a spoof he did on Katherin Heigl. Yeah, the above video has got to be a joke. I feel sheepish. I STILL think he should do the Arrested Development movie, though.